Karen

why is the world so cruel?
the signature scent of L`amoreaux`s corridors are armpits, axe and fart.
Suggestion: Have mercy people. lay down on the cologne. However, to dampen the lethal smell of armpits let`s encourage the use of mildly scented deodorant to decrease the spread of life threatening diseases [ie. armpicitis ignoramus] in our school.
why such cruel and unusual punishment? Spare me please.
You leave me asking myself everyday, what did I do to deserve this?

I am seething with anger right now.
Why do I let people walk all over me? I'm tired of living my life as the local door mat. I'm tired of smiling and gritting my teeth. I'm tired of being hammered into the ground. God i'm so mad i could go cross eyed right now.
Here's the story: A really bitchy girl at school has this thing with people being sick at school. The thing is I can't afford to miss school because of all of the work. So she says to me, "Karen, honestly YOU look disgusting! Look at your face, it's all pale. go home.!" Raarrghhhh the anger was really bad....
then she dares to do the same thing today. "Karen you still really look disgusting." Then another person comes to our table and says, "Wow karen your looking better."
As you can see she's just out to get me. She's one of those people who thinks she can walk over everyone.
What the hell is that? I'm tired of letting assholes do this to me. Honestly, this is mean but she brought it upon herself, your not quite a looker yourself when you have buck teeth, and are 100 lbs overweight. I felt like saying, "you know you look disgusting everyday with your damned nasty wrinkly clothes but I'm nice enough not to say anything so maybe you should have some damn courteosy." gahhhh. I've let people walk all over me my whole life. After 17 years it's just too much. This is the point that its gotta stop.

I think I'm on the verge of falling apart. Everything is so crap right now. It took me two weeks to finally admit that. I try making myself believe everything is fine but it just isn't. I thought i was good again, i thought i was fine, but i feel a relapse coming along.
First. I just dread going to classes these days. I feel so irritated all the time and can't stand anything. I just sit in class, staring into space. I haven't done any homework in the past week so i have no clue what the hell is going on. I just don't care anymore. Who the fukk cares.
Second. The minute i see the light at the end of the tunnel something gets in the way and i lose my path. Past two weeks - homelife was horrendous. Now that it's getting better, everything else is falling apart. What the hell. argh. I just don't give a fukk about anything anymore. I just have that great urge to drop school and not go to classes for the rest of the year. It's been building up, and i just don't want to deal. I've lost all motivation, teachers suck, work sucks. everything is a load of crap.
Third. I've just quit my job, the job that i used to love. I used to put so much effort into that crap, but this year it's just not worth it anymore. The area managers are crusty farts. Some of the staff and guests smell like as.s and I just don't see the fun in it anymore. Too stressful. I've lost my passion for everything. I've just been isolating myself from everyone and everything. Why can't i just be? why must everything be so complicated. now i have to find a frickin job. I didn't do any homework this weekend so now i'm kinda screwed for tommorow. but i still don't care. what's wrong with me? somebody help?

oh. how i wish my mom would stop leaving home. It's hard. i worry i just wish she would call. The first time was bad enough. now its getting out of hand. I can't sleep when i don't know where she is. i just wish she would stop running away. i cry.

aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... how i wish i was skinny. I try not to feel fat but it's so damn hard sometimes. I hate looking at reflections, stepping on scales and comparing but sometimes it's just impossible.

life just might be good again.
i've been avoiding everything for the past few weeks. life at home had been crap. but i think it just might be getting better. my sister found out and is gonna help with it/

i neeed a break.
work is so crappy, I hate it with a passion. I actually used to like it but now it's just hell.
School can be a bitch also.
Tommorow:
Bio test
chem test
macbeth test

kill me why don't you! argh so much crap to do. and then i get to work on saturday. i just feel so crap all the time these days.

Went for a run today.
it was relaxing ahhh.
feel happy now, probably cuz my seratonin is runnin high.
hmm.. i love running cuz it makes you feel so energized and it clears your mind.
i needed it cuz this week i was really irritated.
and my gym membership is expired

tired. cranky. irritated.
argh everything is making me so annoyed. gaahhh
on the good side marks:
english: 83 highest in the class
biology: 83 ironically
chemistry: 83 extremely ironic
aps: ?? of course its going to be a let down.

fuck. sometimes i just wish someone would hold a gun to my head and shoot away.
i just want to cry right now.
i skipped work today.
told them i got in a car accident.
i hate my fucking retarded job with all those annoying fuckheads.
i try to get another job. and get rejected.
library hired someone else.
they called this morning.
fuck me. honestly why is my life so crap.

clockwise:
my incredibly old wallet.
my favorite earings.
my tiny purse.
cute keychain.
geisha lip balm.
nyc lip gloss -icky.
m.a.c.


my room.

I saw the life of david gale.
i love it. i love it. i love it.
watch it!!!

this week has been amazing.
today:
- dyed hubert's hair
...*bites lip* im not so good at that stuff. sorry hunnie
- played pool
..had fun. getting better at it, but the balls are still jumpin off the table lol

i am a dork!

Today's schedule:

10am workout
2pm documentation wonderland
evening: party dinner

i gots no homework this march break!!!
so happy.
i saw the hours yesterday. very good!! makes ya think

Finally finished this bitch of an essay for aps.
Kinda didn't put enough effort. ahh hell.

anyways, tommorow is one year and eight months for hubert and I already.
Time passes so fast these days.
Fortunately i got to see him today after a big argument yesterday.
I can be such a bum sometimes.
I take him for granted, and don't realize just how much i need him in my life.
Honestly, he is the only one in the world i can tell anything to.
well thats it

i'm kinda in a cruddy crud mood.
bleh i don't feel like studying.
have the big ass bio test on monday
i've just been doin pilates infront of the tv all day
n goin to the gym
translated into: Procrastination..
grr... sometimes i like bio sometimes i don't
sometimes price is nice. sometimes she's a bitch.

I'm goin caffeine free for the rest of the month.
i wanna see if its really true that it causes acne
cause i've been breakin out alot lately.

man i want my hair back.. i look like a five year old.

I said i wanted a change n i guess i got it.

i cut my hair really short today.
jaw length. donating it to cancer patients.

i had a talk with my mom today.
I realized just how much of a selfish inconsiderate bitch i am.
I never think about helping others.
it's time to grow up karen.

When will it end?
blastin the music with the headphones on doesn't help anymore
i can still hear the anger
i can still feel the pain
when will it stop?

[Momma please stop cryin, I can't stand the sound
Your pain is painful and its tearin' me down
I hear glasses breakin as I sit up in my bed

You fight about money, bout me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter
It ain't easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, you'll see
I don't want love to destroy me like it has done
my family

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't
leave

Daddy please stop yellin, I can't stand the sound
Make mama stop cryin, cuz I need you around

I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have
no choice, no way

In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally ]

freakin out about university crap right now
im goin into biology for sure.
its just the prerequisites are crazy
man i shouldn't have fooled around in first semester
i'm screwed now.
i haven't skipped in the past 3 months.
but it dont make a difference
i've decided i'm going to stay an extra semester or a year
my pre requisites are: english, geometry, calculus, bio, physics and chem
my marks were so bad im not even eligible to take calculus rite now
damnit, i have to take some upgrade math course, plus a college course just to take calculus. n then i can take geometry.
im stressed.
before i didn't give a crap about this.. but i dont know
lately all the teachers have been forcing me to think about my future.